It’s amazing the crap they make in China. I mean, the beauty market is already saturated with enough junk, but China just takes it to a whole new level. Check out this wonder of modern technorogy:
While it may look like just another pink, plastic piece of crap, the description that accompanies it will surely make you want to buy it:
I don’t know about you, but I’d say any product that will make my skin tight, delicate, and guanghua is worth owning.
Sometimes, how good something looks is just a matter of how bad it doesn’t look. I’ve yet to see a MySpace page that doesn’t look like complete ass, but I no longer feel that MySpace pages are the worst the internet has to offer. And it’s all thanks to YvettesBridalFormal.com. What you see may shock you. Some of you will want to tear your eyes out. You’ve been warned.
For those of you brave enough to plunge into the depths of Yvette’s visual hell, you will be rewarded with gems like this map, or this reasonably priced painting. There’s more to be found, but my eyes can’t take any more.
In the end you will come away with a newfound respect for the visual elegance of MySpace pages, and quite possibly a headache as well.
I play a game called Civilization IV. It’s a great strategy game, kind of like a more complex game of Risk or Axis and Allies, and it has some amazing mods you can add to it to make it even better. A very popular and very well-made mod is called Fall From Heaven, which is a fantasy mod. It’s fun to play because it changes the dynamic of the original game quite immensely, effectively reinventing the experience. Civilization IV is a turn-based strategy game, with taxes, buildings, armies, diplomacy, etc., so in forums discussing the game people are normally focused on the pure game mechanics – how to get advantages, churn out more units, increase territory, etc., with the odd tangent about real history, on which the game is based.
Well, I installed the Fall From Heaven mod and have really enjoyed playing it, but came across a few issues that I needed answered. So I went to the Fall From Heaven forum to read up on some things and found that fantasy, as a genre, brings with it a core army of devoted nerds who will take things way too seriously. Most of the people on the Fall From Heaven forum still talk about strategy, straight-up, but the nerds, damn their hides, have taken to discussing culture and history, for a fantasy game! Some are even “remembering” events that apparently occurred in a fictitious world created as a backdrop for a fucking strategy game! Read more »
I’ve noticed that Rimmel has been choosing some rather… unique models for their advertisements. Now I don’t know about you, but I think this one looks pretty freakin’ weird. Like, goldfish-with-hair weird. What the fuck is going on here?
Undertandably you may be a bit confused. I know I am. Here’s a picture of a REAL goldfish for reference.
Hard to tell the difference, isn’t it? Let’s look at the similarities:
They both have a tiny mouth and essentially no chin;
They both have gold sparkles around their eyes;
They both have bulging eyes that are TRYING TO ESCAPE THEIR FACE!!!
There is one key difference though: the goldfish does not have a forehead on which you could park a Hummer.
Honestly, what is it with the British? It’s bad enough they can’t get their oral hygiene sorted out, now they’ve gone and forgotten how to point their eyes in the same direction. It must be hard keeping up appearances with the Royals.
I was tuned into Jango when it decided that I should listen to upcoming artist Loran Cross. While Jango once again failed to accurately gauge my musical taste, it did somehow tune into my sense of humour. Below I’ve attempted to capture the lyrics to “What You Feel For Me Now”. Hit the Play button and follow along!
I was trucked by de thunder of love
Eat twas beaudeeful day clear of gloss
I was peeing just chwaiting in loin
Weathal my worries boiling my moin
I was no longer waiting in da Kraut
I felt my new weengs grauing in my BACK!!!
We are fliiing so high in the clouds
As I could see man you world in you rise
Den IIIiii
III flewwwww
Yesss IIIIiii
IIII flewwwwwwwwwww…
Tell me what you feed from me
Luuung!
Cause I can’t chold bahk whad I feel
Huh give me da reee bliind
Clenching my feast steel holding my moiiiiiiiind
Please tell meeee
Tell me what you feed from me noow
Cause I can’t chold back whad I feel
Und give me da reed line
Clenching my feast steel holding my moiiiind
A few years ago in Zimbabwe, Samukeliso Sithole decided to pose as a female athlete, and apparently was doing quite well at it. A little too well. He was such a convincing female that his fellow female athletes didn’t feel at all concerned about undressing in front of him. Well, one day, after watching some first-hand undressing and redressing, Sithole and his female friends headed out to the train station. That’s when the mysterious Mr. Mkandla appeared and spilled the beans. Sithole made a run for it, but Mr. Mkandla somehow managed to catch him (I’m guessing Sithole’s heels must have slowed him down).
Now here’s the best part. Sithole’s defence, according to newzimbabwe.com, is as follows:
In his defence, Sithole told the court that he was born with both female and male organs. The athlete added that his parents then consulted a Chipinge traditional healer who gave them some herbs following which he assumed female status.
However, Sithole further alleges that they only paid half the money charged for the services rendered by the healer. As a punishment by the traditional healer for them to pay up the outstanding bill, the male organ only developed recently, he said.
He told the court that he was scheduled to settle the bill with the traditional on his trial day and this would have resulted in him reverting to the female gender.
For some reason, the judge just didn’t buy into the good, old, “It wasn’t there before, I swear!” defence, and threw him in jail for 3.5 years.
Perusing the bulletin board at my local Second Cup has once again yielded some weird shit. Here we have a posting for a professional Question Answerer who goes by the name Annie: Click the image to enlarge.
It seems Annie doesn’t do readings face-to-face, but rather prefers that you send her a cheque and some info about your birthday (along with your address of course). Smells like a recipe for potential identity theft if you ask me – but this is Ask Annie, not Ask Mr. Fanrastic. So to belay any concerns about her expertise, she presents the following testimonials for assurance:
“No wonder he kisses like a dead turtle.”
“Wow! I had no idea I was so complex!!”
“Thanks to Annie, I’ve grown five inches!”
“I floss now, thanks to Annie!”
Yeah, I know. You can thank me by sending me a cheque for $40.
A few years ago in Zimbabwe, Samukeliso Sithole decided to pose as a female athlete, and apparently was doing quite well at it. A little too well. He was such a convincing female that his fellow female athletes didn’t feel at all concerned about undressing in front of him. Well, one day, after watching some first-hand undressing and redressing, Sithole and his female friends headed out to the train station. That’s when the mysterious Mr. Mkandla appeared and spilled the beans. Sithole made a run for it, but Mr. Mkandla somehow managed to catch him (I’m guessing Sithole’s heels must have slowed him down).
